Saturday, July 29, 2017

This Week in Trumpland July 29, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “Real Game of Thrones” edition

Trump politicizes Boy Scout Jamboree, inciting Boy Scouts to boo Obama and causing Boy Scouts of America to disavow Trump’s speech
During a speech in Long Island, Trump encourages police to use violence during arrests, causing police forces around the country to disavow Trump’s speech
Trump tweets that transgender people can no longer serve in the military, causing the military to disavow Trump’s tweet
The DOJ file an amicus brief asserting that the 1964 Civil Rights Act does not protect gays in the workplace
Trump continues to throw public shade at everyone who won’t do his bidding, including “very weak” AG Jeff Sessions, “sleazy” Adam Schiff, “Crooked” Hillary, Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski, and even the Republican party as a whole
In a Shakesperean ending to TrumpCare Senator John McCain, newly diagnosed with an aggressive brain cancer, arrives on the Senate floor from his hospital bed to give a stirring speech about the importance of health care, disappoints feeling human beings everywhere by voting to continue discussion on an ObamaCare repeal law, and then stabs Trump in the heart by casting the deciding ballot against the repeal bill itself
New communications director Anthony Scaramucci says Steve Bannon “sucks his own c**k” but doesn’t explain how he knows that
Scaramucci accuses WH Chief of Staff Reince Priebus of being a leaker of secrets and challenges him to “prove he isn’t”
Scaramucci then calls Priebus a “f**king paranoid schizophrenic”
Trump fires Priebus via tweet and installs “great American” John F.Kelly as Chief of Staff
Chrissy Teigen joins the ranks of people who Trump has blocked from his Twitter account
Trump ranks himself second most presidential President, just behind Abraham Lincoln, causing Abraham Lincoln to spin in his grave

Saturday, July 22, 2017

This Week in Trumpland July 22, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “fascism is here” edition

Trump campaign pays legal fees for Trump, Jr’s Russian collusion defense, claiming that colluding is “business as usual” in politics
Ivanka Trump reveals that she was personally paid $5M from outside businesses at the time she officially became a white house adviser
More than 20 Congress members ask the FBI to review Ivanka’s security clearance
Jared Kushner reveals that when he officially joined the white house he also failed to disclose dozens of financial holdings he was required to declare
Trump bitch slaps Jeff Sessions and tells the NYT he wishes he had not chosen Sessions as his AG
Muslim ban fight continues, as Supreme Court upholds one part of Hawaii Appellate Court decision limiting the ban and rejects another
CBO reveals that a ”repeal only” bill would leave 32 million Americans uninsured
Trump urges Congress to let ObamaCare die, and millions of Americans along with it
In a move sought by Moscow, the White House ends CIA program to arm anti-Assad forces in Syria
Trump apparently asks his attorneys if he can pardon himself and then tweets out he has complete power to pardon
In a huge blow to Melissa McCarthy’s career, Sean Spicer resigns

Saturday, July 15, 2017

This Week in Trumpland July 15, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “moron poker” edition

In the latest draft of a health care bill that would deny coverage to millions of Americans, the Senate specifically includes language exempting themselves from the draconian portions of the bill
Trump states that the Mexican wall must be transparent so that Americans are not hit on the head by the large sacks of drugs that Mexicans will throw over it
Caught colluding with the Russians to influence the election, Donald Trump Jr. defends his actions by saying the information wasn't what he had hoped it would be
After initially listing on his security clearance disclosure form that he had zero foreign contacts, Jared Kushner amended the form to add more than one hundred names, but still omitted the Russian attorney and Russian lobbyist with whom he and Donald Trump Jr. colluded
The battle over the Trump Muslim ban continues as a Hawaii appellate court expands the list of exemptions to the ban
In a telling, unprecedented move for a first term sitting Vice President, Mike Pence launches a PAC to raise money for himself
A high ranking official from the Department of Education draws fire for stating that 90% of college sexual assault cases are the victim’s fault
An iceberg four times the size of London breaks off from the Antarctica ice shelf in yet another example of the Chinese global warming hoax
To honor Bastille Day as only he knows how, Trump hits on French First Lady Brigitte Macron in full view of the world press, his own wife, and French President Emmanuel Macron

Saturday, July 8, 2017

This Week in Trumpland July 8, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “weaker by the minute” edition

A new Politico/Morning Consult poll shows that 60% of Americans actually support Trump’s travel ban
Missouri passes a law dropping the minimum hourly wage from a poverty level $10 per hour to an even worse $7.70 per hour
In a move certain to be cheered by Trump University, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos freezes existing DOE rules that erase student loans for borrowers cheated by the fraudulent acts of predatory colleges
Forty-Four states reject Trump “voter fraud” panel’s request for voter information, saying it’s a thinly veiled voter suppression ruse
Trump tweets a video showing him violently attacking a man with the CNN logo juxtaposed over his face
After Dow Chemical donates $1 million dollars to Trump, EPA chief Scott Pruitt attempts to delay implementation of Obama era EPA regulations on oil and gas operations
Government ethics chief Walter Shaub resigns following repeated fights with the Trump administration over their conflicts of interest
Ivanka Trump takes POTUS’ place at G20 leaders table, sitting next to the British Prime Minister and the Chinese President
In a European speech, Trump states that “the fundamental question of our time is whether the West has the will to survive”, though most of the world thinks the fundamental question of our time is whether the world can survive Trump
In no apparent connection to Trump, a rock formation tourist attraction in Norway that is shaped like a penis is knocked down by vandals

Saturday, July 1, 2017

This Week in Trumpland 7/1/2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “winter is coming” edition

The Supreme Court partially upholds the Muslim ban, a frightening sign that not even the judiciary will save us from Trump
The White House bars cameras from the daily press briefing
At an event with the Indian Prime Minister, Trump proclaims U.S. and India are believers in public accountability, and then bans all questions from the press
In full view of the world, Trump pauses a diplomatic call to tell a reporter she has a “nice smile”
In one of his most sexist attacks yet, Trump tweets that he denied entry at Mar-a-Lago to “Morning Joe” co-host Mika Brezinski because she was ”bleeding badly from a face lift”
As Trump continues to demean women, White House Special Advisor to the President Ivanka Trump, a self proclaimed advocate of female empowerment and women's rights, says she “tries to stay out of politics”
In a small respite for America, Republicans head home for July Fourth weekend without a passable health plan
Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell warns Republican Senators that if their draconian health care bill dies in the Senate, they will be forced to work together with their Democratic counterparts
Trump suggests that Republicans repeal ObamaCare anyway, even if they cannot replace it
Trump election panel asks every state for their voting roll data, including individual voting histories for the past ten years
The Washington Post, which is owned by Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, exposes fake issues of Time magazine with Trump on the cover hanging at some of Trump’s golf clubs