Saturday, January 20, 2018

This week is Trumpland January 20,2018

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: First Anniversary edition

As America “celebrates” the one year anniversary of Trump presidency, Germany and China both surpass the U.S. as global leaders
Trump lashes out at Chief of Staff John Kelly for saying POTUS’ views on the wall “were evolving”
Defrocked Trump ally Steve Bannon agrees to cooperate with Mueller investigation
New Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen lies under oath about Trump’s “shithole” comments, then testifies she’s not aware Norway is a largely white nation
On the eve of a potential government shutdown, Trump makes plans to fly to Mar-a-Lago for $100,000 per couple fundraiser for his re-election campaign
For the first time in history when the same party controls the White House, the Senate and the House of Representatives, United States government shuts down
U.S. Supreme to rule yet again on Trump’s most recent Muslim ban
Sordid details surface of Trump’s tryst with pornstar during the early days of his marriage to Melania
White House physician declares Trump physically and mentally fit
Amazon responds to huge corporate tax cut by raising Amazon Prime prices by 20%

Saturday, January 13, 2018

This Week in Trumpland January 13, 2018

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: immigration edition

Trump asks “why do we want all these people from 'shithole countries' coming here?" and instead suggests the U.S. should have more immigrants from Norway.
Trump deporting nearly 200,000 Salvadoreans
ICE targets 7-11 stores in immigration crackdown
Federal Court blocks Trump from stripping “dreamer” migrants of their rights
Attending college football championship, Trump is shown stumbling over the words to the National Anthem
Federal Court rules that North Carolina’s Congressional District map drawn by Republicans is illegal gerrymandering and must be immediately re-drawn
Oprah’s Golden Globes speech has liberals drooling over potential presidential run
Steve Bannon walks the plank from Breitbart News and Sirius XM
Darrell Issa, Ed Royce, and thirty (!) other House Republicans announce they won't be running again in 2018
Mitt Romney leaning in to Utah Senatorial race
Joe Arpaio, who was recently pardoned by Trump, joins Don Blankenship, Michael Grimm, and Greg Gianforte as the fourth convicted criminal to announce a run for public office in 2018

Saturday, January 6, 2018

This Week in Trumpland January 6, 2018

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “2018...on your mark, get set, go” edition

Kim Jung Un proclaims that he has the nuclear button on his desk
Trump proclaims his nuclear button is bigger than Kim Jung Un's
Journalist Michael Wolff’s book Fire and Fury explodes Trump White House and flies off the shelves
Steve Bannon and Trump turn on each other with a fury
Trump publicly claims Bannon “has lost his mind”, while Bannon and many others in Trump’s inner circle publicly claim Trump doesn’t have a mind to lose
Paul Manafort sues DOJ and Robert Mueller
White House dissolves voter fraud commission
Director of ICE says politicians in sanctuary cities should be charged with crimes
Jeff Sessions goes after marijuana industry
Trump threatens to shut down bipartisan immigration legislation, including DACA solution, unless Congress gives him $18 billion to build the infamous wall
When Trump tweets that he will be announcing The Most Dishonest & Corrupt Media Awards of the Year, both The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and The Daily Show with Trevor Noah take out mock “for your consideration” ads

Saturday, December 30, 2017

This Week in Trumpland December 30,2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “year in review” edition


Donald Trump becomes the 45th president of the United States, triggering huge anti-Trump protests and marches throughout the world
In his first week in office Trump lies about the size of his inauguration, orders a Muslim ban, and deletes the death of six million Jews from his holocaust remembrance message


Trump threatens to invade Mexico, instigates conflict against Australia and takes U.S. to the to the brink of war with Iran
Michael Flynn becomes first casualty of Trump administration
Pipeline protesters at Standing Rock are arrested, ICE agents arrest patient awaiting brain surgery, and protections for transgendered students are rolled back, all leading Steve Bannon to declare that “everything is going according to plan”


In his first speech before Congress, Trump promises increased investment in women’s healthcare, even as Congress introduces bills to criminalize abortion, defund Planned Parenthood and repeal the ACA
Jeff Sessions lies to Congress about his contact with Russian officials and is confirmed as Attorney General anyway
HUD Secretary Ben Carson claims that slaves brought to America from Africa were in fact immigrants with dreams of a better life for themselves and their families
Trump budget director claims cutting meals for senior citizens is “compassionate” and Paul Ryan declares he’s been dreaming of Medicaid cuts since he was "drinking out of kegs"


Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump officially become White House advisors
In a “penis substitute” exchange, Kim Jung Un shows off large bomb in North Korea parade and Trump orders U.S. military to drop “mother of all bombs” on Afghanistan
Bill O’Reilly is fired from Fox news after more than a dozen sexual harassment lawsuits
Trump threatens to change Senate rules for passing legislation, Rex Tillerson threatens military action against North Korea, and Trump boasts he has the highest TV ratings “since the World Trade Center came down”


Trump fires FBI director James Comey
Robert Mueller is appointed special counsel to investigate RussiaGate
Secretary of Agriculture moves to end healthy school lunch programs to “make school meals great again”, Idaho representative Raul Labrador claims that “no one ever died from lack of access to health care” and Oklahoma representative Mike Ritze asks whether “we really have to educate non-citizens”
Melania famously swats away Trump’s hand during foreign trip and the Pope’s face registers hellish horror during a Trump photo-op


Trump pulls the U.S. out of the Paris climate accords
Eric Trump tells Fox news that Democrats “are not even people”
Trump derides London mayor after U.K. terrorist attacks and tells the Iranian people that terrorist attack on their soil “serves them right”
Sean Spicer walks the plank


At an event with the Indian Prime Minister, Trump claims U.S. and India are believers in public accountability, and then bars all questions from the press
Trump election panel asks states for their voting roll data and 44 of 50 states say no
Trump states that the Mexican wall must be transparent so that Americans are not hit on the head by the sacks of drugs Mexicans will be throwing over it
John McCain casts dramatic deciding vote to defeat repeal of ObamaCare


After White Supremacy rally turns violent in Charlottesville, Trump defends the “very fine people” of the alt-right and blames liberals for the violence, causing former KKK Grand Wizard David Duke to compliment Trump for his “courage”
Steve Bannon resigns
Newsweek reports that less than 80% of Bernie Sanders supporters voted for HRC, and that 12% of Bernie supporters stunningly voted for Trump


Trump pardons racist Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio on the eve of Hurricane Harvey to “maximize ratings”
Trump ends DACA protection for children whose parents came to the U.S. illegally
Justice department underlines systemic racism in America by refusing to prosecute Baltimore police officers responsible for Freddie Gray’s death
Twenty-eight year old former model Hope Hicks appointed White House Communications director
Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price walks the plank
San Juan mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz begs for help and supplies to combat hurricane damage, and Trump responds by hurling insults at her and Puerto Rico


Domestic terrorist Stephen Paddock kills dozens of people in a rampage in Las Vegas and Republicans warn this is no time for a national debate on gun control
Secretary of State Rex Tillerson calls Trump “a f***ing moron”
Trump wages war against NFL players who take a knee to protest racial inequality
Harvey Weinstein exposed as a rapist and sexual molester, which starts an avalanche of women finally speaking out and gives birth to the #MeToo movement
Department of Education rescinds seventy-two policy documents outlining rights for students with disabilities


A federal court blocks Trump’s transgender military ban
Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort and his partner Jim Gates are indicted
Energy Secretary Rick Perry claims fossil fuels can be used to limit sexual assault
EPA head Scott Pruitt replaces scientists on EPA advisory board with oil and chemical lobbyists
Upon hearing that neither George Bush Sr. nor Jr. voted for him, Trump attacks their presidential legacies
Trump endorses accused pedophile Roy Moore in Alabama senatorial race, and claims he turned down being Time Magazine man of the year


Congress passes sweeping tax bill that adds $1.5 trillion to the deficit but provides massive tax cuts to businesses and to wealthy individuals
U.S. Supreme Court upholds Trump Muslim travel ban
In a photo finish, Doug Jones defeats Roy Moore in Alabama Senate race
U.N. overwhelmingly condemns Trump’s decision to move U.S. Israeli Embassy to Jerusalem despite Trump threat to cut off aid
RussiaGate investigation intensifies and Michael Flynn makes plea deal with Robert Mueller