Saturday, July 15, 2017

This Week in Trumpland July 15, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “moron poker” edition

In the latest draft of a health care bill that would deny coverage to millions of Americans, the Senate specifically includes language exempting themselves from the draconian portions of the bill
Trump states that the Mexican wall must be transparent so that Americans are not hit on the head by the large sacks of drugs that Mexicans will throw over it
Caught colluding with the Russians to influence the election, Donald Trump Jr. defends his actions by saying the information wasn't what he had hoped it would be
After initially listing on his security clearance disclosure form that he had zero foreign contacts, Jared Kushner amended the form to add more than one hundred names, but still omitted the Russian attorney and Russian lobbyist with whom he and Donald Trump Jr. colluded
The battle over the Trump Muslim ban continues as a Hawaii appellate court expands the list of exemptions to the ban
In a telling, unprecedented move for a first term sitting Vice President, Mike Pence launches a PAC to raise money for himself
A high ranking official from the Department of Education draws fire for stating that 90% of college sexual assault cases are the victim’s fault
An iceberg four times the size of London breaks off from the Antarctica ice shelf in yet another example of the Chinese global warming hoax
To honor Bastille Day as only he knows how, Trump hits on French First Lady Brigitte Macron in full view of the world press, his own wife, and French President Emmanuel Macron

Saturday, July 8, 2017

This Week in Trumpland July 8, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “weaker by the minute” edition

A new Politico/Morning Consult poll shows that 60% of Americans actually support Trump’s travel ban
Missouri passes a law dropping the minimum hourly wage from a poverty level $10 per hour to an even worse $7.70 per hour
In a move certain to be cheered by Trump University, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos freezes existing DOE rules that erase student loans for borrowers cheated by the fraudulent acts of predatory colleges
Forty-Four states reject Trump “voter fraud” panel’s request for voter information, saying it’s a thinly veiled voter suppression ruse
Trump tweets a video showing him violently attacking a man with the CNN logo juxtaposed over his face
After Dow Chemical donates $1 million dollars to Trump, EPA chief Scott Pruitt attempts to delay implementation of Obama era EPA regulations on oil and gas operations
Government ethics chief Walter Shaub resigns following repeated fights with the Trump administration over their conflicts of interest
Ivanka Trump takes POTUS’ place at G20 leaders table, sitting next to the British Prime Minister and the Chinese President
In a European speech, Trump states that “the fundamental question of our time is whether the West has the will to survive”, though most of the world thinks the fundamental question of our time is whether the world can survive Trump
In no apparent connection to Trump, a rock formation tourist attraction in Norway that is shaped like a penis is knocked down by vandals

Saturday, July 1, 2017

This Week in Trumpland 7/1/2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “winter is coming” edition

The Supreme Court partially upholds the Muslim ban, a frightening sign that not even the judiciary will save us from Trump
The White House bars cameras from the daily press briefing
At an event with the Indian Prime Minister, Trump proclaims U.S. and India are believers in public accountability, and then bans all questions from the press
In full view of the world, Trump pauses a diplomatic call to tell a reporter she has a “nice smile”
In one of his most sexist attacks yet, Trump tweets that he denied entry at Mar-a-Lago to “Morning Joe” co-host Mika Brezinski because she was ”bleeding badly from a face lift”
As Trump continues to demean women, White House Special Advisor to the President Ivanka Trump, a self proclaimed advocate of female empowerment and women's rights, says she “tries to stay out of politics”
In a small respite for America, Republicans head home for July Fourth weekend without a passable health plan
Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell warns Republican Senators that if their draconian health care bill dies in the Senate, they will be forced to work together with their Democratic counterparts
Trump suggests that Republicans repeal ObamaCare anyway, even if they cannot replace it
Trump election panel asks every state for their voting roll data, including individual voting histories for the past ten years
The Washington Post, which is owned by Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, exposes fake issues of Time magazine with Trump on the cover hanging at some of Trump’s golf clubs

Saturday, June 24, 2017

This week in Trumpland 6/24/2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “Civil War” edition

A police officer is acquitted of murdering an African American man, despite a video showing he fired six bullets into him at point blank range during a traffic stop while the man sat in his car with his girlfriend and a young child
Republican Karen Handel, who famously doesn’t believe in a livable wage or gay rights, defeats Democrat John Ossoff in Georgia special election
Senate reveals draconian health plan which takes from the poor and gives to the rich
Nancy Pelosi pulls rank on Republican Congressman who tries to borrow a page from the Senate’s misogyny and attempts to silence her
After POTUS adviser Steve Bannon says fewer press briefings are because “Sean got fatter”, Spicer is booted as Press Secretary
Trump hires Eric Trump wedding planner to oversee NY region HUD office
Faced with a possible subpoena, Trump admits he did not tape his conversations with Comey, but rather wanted to influence Comey’s congressional testimony
Six members of Trump’s HIV/Aids advisory board resign, stating that Trump ”simply does not care” about fighting HIV
In a tip of the hat to “The Handmaid’sTale”, a new Missouri bill permits employment and housing discrimination against people who use birth control or have abortions
In a sign that the apocalypse is upon us, even North Korea calls Trump a psychopath

Saturday, June 17, 2017

This Week in Trumpland 6/17/2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “there’s a first time for everything” edition

Maryland and the District of Columbia sue Trump for violating the emoluments clause of the Constitution
Nearly 200 members of Congress also sue Trump for violating the emoluments clause of the Constitution
Trump threatens to break up the Ninth Circuit Court after it again strikes down Trump’s Muslim ban
DOJ confirms that Trump is being investigated for obstruction of justice
Trump intensifies his Twitter outbursts and challenges the integrity of his own Justice Department, calling the DOJ “phony” and “sad”
As if to prove Trump’s point, Attorney General Jefferson Sessions says “I don’t recall” or “I don’t remember” 26 times during his Senate testimony and refuses to answer various other questions “in case Trump later wants to assert executive privilege”
For the first time in U.S. history, the President and Vice-President simultaneously each retain criminal defense attorneys
Gunman opens fire on GOP congressmen during a baseball practice in Virginia seriously injuring five people, including House Majority Whip Steve Scalise
In first full Trump Cabinet meeting Trump states that “there has never been a president, with few exceptions, who has passed more legislation more quickly”, even though Congress has yet to pass a single major piece of legislation during his tenure
In the same Cabinet meeting, members go around the table praising Trump’s “integrity, strength, guidance and policies” after which the media is banished from the room
In a virtually unanimous vote of the Senate, Trump is stripped of his power to unilaterally lift sanctions against Russia 
Study shows that more than 16 million Americans believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows, though it’s unclear if Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is one of them
Trump blocks @StephenKing, the noted author, from his Twitter account

Saturday, June 10, 2017

This Week in Trumpland 6/10/2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND: a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “twitter storm” edition

Trump derides London Mayor on Twitter after terrorist attack near Parliament
Trump tells the Iranian people that terrorist attack in Tehran serves them right
Eric Trump says on Fox News that Democrats “are not even people”
Eric Trump foundation diverts millions of dollars in donations intended for St Jude Children’s Hospital to Trump organization and its cronies
Jeremy Corbyn, the Bernie Sanders of the U.K. scores huge upset in a snap election, leaving Bernie followers in the U.S. wondering what might have been
Meanwhile back at home, Georgia Republican Congressional candidate Karen Handel states in a debate that as a conservative she does not support a liveable wage
Kamala Harris joins the growing club of progressive female senators that older, white regressive males keep trying to silence on the senate floor
In stark contrast to her name, Reality Winner is accused of leaking classified information about RussiaGate
After eight Middle East Countries sever ties with Qatar Trump takes credit via tweet, apparently unaware that 11,000 U.S, troops are stationed there
Trump twitter storm blames Justice Department for watering down original Muslim Ban
Former FBI director James Comey testifies that Trump is a liar and a predator, inciting Trump to declare “total victory”, and to finally feel understood
FBI secures indictment of NYC based Russian mobsters for trafficking in thousands of pounds of stolen chocolate confections, causing Mob to tweet that we need chocolate now more than ever

Saturday, June 3, 2017

The week in Trumpland 6/3/2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND: a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are” edition

Just days after Trump’s blundering, bumbling, blustering international trip, Angela Merkel and other Western leaders state they can no longer count on the U.S. as friends and allies
Punctuating their remarks, Trump pulls the U.S. out of the Paris Climate accords, yet another step in abdicating our country's leadership in the free world
Russian President Vladimir Putin declares that Trump is a “straight and honest” person
After several appellate courts block Trump’s Muslim ban, the Justice Department petitions the U.S. Supreme Court for an emergency review to uphold the ban
A noose is left at the National Museum of African American History and Culture, a grim reminder that racism and hate are alive and well in the U.S.
Bill Maher uses a racial slur on television, a grim reminder that racism and hate can come from the left as well as the right
Trump and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton devolve into a 5th grade level Twitter war, a grim reminder that politics "for the people" is in a deep coma
Trump tweets a nonsensical half sentence literally containing gibberish, a grim reminder that this is the level of the President of the United States
Sean Spicer claims in a press conference that Trump and a few close advisors know exactly what “covfefe” means, a grim reminder that the Trump administration believes we are all dumber than a 5th grader