Saturday, December 16, 2017

This Week in Trumpland December 16, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “Double Double” edition

To show that she and her husband are not anti-semitic, Roy Moore’s wife proclaims that “one of their attorneys is a Jew”
After Doug Jones defeats Moore in Alabama senatorial election Trump immediately distances himself, saying he always knew Moore couldn’t win
Federal Court blocks Trump policy that prohibits transgender people from enlisting in the military
Federal Court blocks Trump administration rule that allows businesses to deny insurance coverage for female contraception
Three women accuse Russell Simmons of rape
Salma Hayak recounts harrowing Harvey Weinstein ordeal
Tavis Smiley is suspended by PBS
Morgan Spurlock talks of his own sexual misconduct
Mario Batali joins growing list of men losing their empires for sexually harassing women
Dustin Hoffman looks increasingly like a pedophile
Trump attacks “lightweight” Senator Kirsten Gillibrand on Twitter for speaking out against sexual harassment
Female Congressional candidate accused of sexual harassment denies charges but ends campaign when the DCCC withdraws their support
During a Congressional hearing, a District Court judge nominee is unable to correctly answer a single question about the rules of evidence or of Civil Procedure, and testifies he has never tried a case or taken a deposition
Putin lauds Trump’s first year in office
Trump bans the Center for Disease Control from using "fetus", “evidence-based”, "diiversity" or “science-based” in any official documents
Omarosa relives her  “You’re Fired” moment, this time from Trump White House
New York Times reports that Trump drinks twelve Diet Cokes per day…which may explain everything

Saturday, December 9, 2017

This Week in Trumpland December 9, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “DentureDonald” edition

U.S. Supreme Court upholds Trump travel ban
Attorney for Trump claims that as the chief federal law enforcement officer, the president cannot be deemed to obstruct justice no matter what he does
Not content to simply endorse his fellow sexual molester, Trump hits the campaign trail on behalf of Roy Moore
RNC decides to fund Roy Moore Senate campaign
John Conyers and Al Franken resign from Congress in the wake of sexual harassment allegations
GOP tax plan contains special provisions that favor red states
Trump orders reducing the size of two national monuments in Utah by two million acres so the land can be used for mining and drilling
Palestinian leaders call for “three days of rage” to protest Trump “recognizing” Jerusalem as the capital of Israel
In naming their “person of the year” Time Magazine excludes Rose McGowan from its #MeToo cover 
Trump has denture malfunction


Saturday, December 2, 2017

This week in Trumpland December 2, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “tax bill” edition

Senate passes a sweeping tax reform bill that will provide large tax cuts to businesses and to wealthy individuals
Even amidst tech slide, Dow Jones passes 24,000 to reach all-time high
Michael Flynn pleads guilty of one count of lying to the FBI in a plea arrangement
Trump continues to take shots at all the major networks while trying to legitimize a White Nationalist conspiracy theory website
During an event celebrating Native American war heroes, Trump calls Elizabeth Warren Pocahantas
British Prime Minister rebukes Trump when he tweets out anti-Muslim propaganda from an alt-right source 
Trump tangles with legal scholars when an undocumented Mexican immigrant is acquitted in shooting death of Kathryn Steinle
After Matt Lauer is fired amidst sexual assault allegations Trump, himself accused of sexual assault by no less than a dozen women, tweets his unabashed glee
Even with his job on the line, Rex Tillerson snubs Ivanka's India trip by not letting senior state department staff accompany her
NFL proposes to donate $88M to social justice causes by shifting monies currently earmarked for the league’s other charitable giving
Prince Harry gets engaged to a bi-racial, half-Jewish, divorced American actress

Saturday, November 25, 2017

This Week in Trumpland November 25, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “Person of the year” edition

Justice department threatens to sue Harvard University for discriminating against white applicants
FCC plans repeal of Obama era net neutrality regulations designed to provide equal access to the internet
Stating that “we don’t need a liberal person in there” Trump endorses accused pedophile Roy Moore in Alabama Senate race
Trump administration ends protected status for 60,000 Haitians, saying that the “extraordinary conditions” justifying their staying in the U.S. no longer exist
Democratic Senator Tom Carper claims that chief Trump economic adviser Gary Cohn faked bad cell phone reception to get Trump off a phone call
Federal judge strikes down a Texas ban on abortion
As the Mueller investigation continues to heat up, Mike Flynn’s attorneys stop communicating with Trump’s attorneys
The media goes crazy when a video surfaces of Malia Obama blowing smoke rings and kissing her boyfriend
In a Thanksgiving address to the nation, Trump’s primary message is that Americans should be thankful for….Donald Trump
Trump claims he turned down being the Time Magazine person of the year and Time says that is a fabrication
After a homeless veteran gives a young woman his last $20 when she runs out of gas late one night, she starts a GoFundMe campaign to help him and raises over $300,000

Saturday, November 18, 2017

This Week in Trumpland November 18, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “up is down and down is up” edition

After another mass shooting in California, Trump tweets his condolences "to the people of Texas"
Even as registration for the Affordable Care Act  AKA ObamaCare continues to swell, GOP buries a provision killing the law’s individual mandate in a tax bill
Trump’s Asia trip brings good tidings from Trump to fellow despots Putin and Duterte
After it’s exposed that Jeff Sessions was in fact involved with Russian ties, he denies lying to Congress and states he had simply forgotten
Jeff Sessions explores appointing a special counsel to investigate Hillary Clinton
Donald Trump, Jr exposed for having given WikiLeaks information designed to damage Hillary Clinton during the 2016 campaign
Jared Kushner revealed to have lied about whether he had knowledge of Trump Jr's WikiLeaks actions
Three UCLA athletes who were caught stealing sunglasses in China are scolded by Trump on Twitter, not for stealing but for not thanking him for their release
A study shows Trump is nominating white men to America’s federal courts at a rate not seen in more than thirty years
The Twitter mob raises up their torches against Lena Dunham when she comes to the defense of a writer accused of sexual assault on the set of “Girls”
After announcing the legalizing of importing elephant hunting trophies (read: elephant remains) Trump reverses course, setting the table for a tense Thanksgiving at the Trump household and fewer selfies for Eric and Donald, Jr.

Saturday, November 11, 2017

This Week in Trumpland November 11, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “forward and backward” edition

EPA head Scott Pruitt replaces scientists on the EPA advisory board with oil and chemical lobbyists including one who says air quality in the U.S. is “too” clean
Wisconsin state representative Scott Allen suggests women should not be allowed to have abortions for the sake of the labor force
Trump attacks the presidential legacies of George Bush, Sr. and George Bush, Jr. upon learning they did not vote for him
Trump claims Virginia gubernatorial candidate Ed Gillespie lost because he didn’t embrace Trump
Affordable Care Act enrollment surges in first week
Andrea Jenkins becomes the first out Trans woman of color to be elected to public office in the United States
Vi Lyles becomes the first African American woman elected mayor in Charlotte, N.C.
Ravi Bhalla becomes the first Sikh mayor in New Jersey history
Virginian Danica Roem becomes first transgender person elected in a U.S. Statehouse, beating the incumbent who proudly touted himself as the state’s “chief homophobe”
Melvin Carter becomes first African American mayor of St. Paul
Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore is accused of multiple sexual encounters with teenage girls, and proudly uses the accusation as a fundraising tool
The list of men accused of using their positions of power to sexually harass or molest others in the work place continues to grow at a dizzying pace

Saturday, November 4, 2017

This Week in Trumpland November 4, 2017

THIS WEEK IN TRUMPLAND, a sixty second primer on the path to Armageddon: “give me a lawyer dog” edition

Puerto Rico Governor seeks to cancel $300 million contract awarded by Trump administration to a power company consisting of only two employees that is backed by a large Trump donor
A Federal Court blocks Trump’s transgender military ban
Louisiana’s Supreme Court holds that a detained suspect who said “just give me a lawyer dog” when police questioned him was asking for an actual canine attorney and not invoking his constitutional right to counsel
Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort and his partner Jim Gates are indicted
Secretary of State John Kelly suggests the civil war could have been avoided if people had been willing to compromise on keeping slavery
In response to a Russian terrorist who killed 8 people in NYC, Trump claims terrorism trial system “is a joke” and threatens to send suspect to Guantanamo Bay
Trump claims in a press conference that if the GOP tax plan doesn’t pass he will blame economic adviser Gary Cohn and treasury secretary Steve Mnuchin
New proposed GOP tax plan has language that repeals part of ObamaCare
Trump and Jeff Sessions continue to deny knowledge of campaign contact with the Russians even as evidence mounts that they did have knowledge of those contacts
The NYPD moves closer to arresting Harvey Weinstein on rape and lewd conduct charges as more people accuse him and others in the entertainment industry of sexual harassment and assault
Democratic leaders start mandatory internal finger pointing, forsaking party for bigger book sales and personal aggrandizement
Energy Secretary Rick Perry claims fossil fuels can be used to limit sexual assault
A Twitter employee briefly deletes Trump’s account
Collins Dictionary declares the term “fake news” the word(s) of the year